Oh God, what a beautiful day.

My Photo
Name:
Location: VICTORIA, British Columbia, Canada

Sunday, June 05, 2011

Return of the B

Oh Hello...

How remis of me to leave a gap of more than three years between blog posts... My my my, what has happened since last time. Well apparently Facebook was kind of a big deal; i guess i didn't really anticipate how integral to people's lives, especially my wife's.

Heather and I are of course still in the throws of nuptial bliss. She competes for attention with my two new mutually exclusive hobbies: surfing and renovating our bathroom... in the condo we bought... yes we're homedebtors. Not long after my last post we moved into a cute, meaning small, condo conversion of a 1911 house a block from the pub in Cook Street Village. Top notch address in what i feel is the neighbourhood; it has a true village high street feel. All the necessities and healthy examples of what i can describe as the renaissance of civilized life.

We have a butcher, named Russ. Hormone free range products abound. The greengrocer, Jonathan, is charmingly nicer to my wife than he is to me; the old lech certainly knows his Braeburns from his Bramleys though. I think he predates the street; it will be a shame to see him go... twenty Rothman's a day haven't slowed him yet though. Oxford foods, the grocery store, is perfect for your bits and pieces which has yet to change in any way from the day it opened and seems ambivalent about the gentrification seen since the year nought. Prima Strada pizza's kiln imported from Naples no less tends to disappoint the buck a slice crowd, who can quite simply go fish for all I care about them! Fantastico coffee and Tres Fantastico have ruined my ability to enjoy most other purveyors of 'coffee.' Their caffeinated libations and victuals are superlative and it's just the perfect place to bump into West Side Connection... which is a story for another day. Note that i do appreciate the 95 cent joe at Rosie's Diner (I sensed my nose starting to turn up at the end there... apologies), the asians who used to own the fish and chip shop down the street now grease spoons just a block from our door and provided an excellent patio breakfast to me this very morn.

On the geopolitical front. A certified black man is in the white house, there seems to be no end of circling the precipice of unmitigated economic disaster, those pesky wars are. still. happening. People don't even flinch when 17 more people die in a tediously mundane suicide blast. Bin Laden has be dealt with, finally, although the only corroborating evidence to be seen is the backslapping of the politicos in power and the seething jealousy of those who are not.

I'm rambling. We've lead quite the life since last time... and i'll have to flesh this out next time.

Adieu.

J

Thursday, August 02, 2007

movies

So, Heather was cruising the apple trailer site the other day and listed off a few movies that she wants to see. They don't come out till next summer... She's a planner, what can I say.

I thought I'd do some browsing myself when I found a movie called Penelope. I don't know much about the plot or anything, but I will definitely see this movie. Not because Christina Ricci's in it; although, she's quite fit and a talented actress. The reason I'm telling you about it is because of this picture....
I'm stoked.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Small Cars


Asians love 'em

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

B B B Bee- Unit

So... My blog has been rather dormant for the last year or so... I guess it lost out to my job, sitting in front of a computer all day, and having big brother watch over my shoulder for evidence of time wasting. As if creativity could be considered a waste of time, I mean really.

Another possible reason for the lapse could be, quite likely, Facebook? Everyone's on it, it's like a pandemic. My friends old auntie's on it. I must admit, I spend far too much time on it. It's just too easy to check in on people, you don't really have to do much to maintain it... just snoop around peoples profiles and check out what people you haven't even thought of for over a decade have been doing with their time. Who's fat, married, gay, boring, sold out, what ever.

It's begun to bore me though... so here you have it... a brief update. Not like anyone even checks this site anymore, anyhow. I'm going to try to keep writing here, surupticiously, and see if I can build up another following. I really want to have a more popular blog than my wife. I set high goals. We shall see.

Ciao for Now

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

February's post.

Random update… I loath the secretary in my office who consistently wears slip-on shoes. I barely contain my contemptuous disgust as I am reminded of her existence by the slap slap of what I can only imagine to be clammy feet when she stumps up behind me. I tremble with fury even as I type.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

I will break my blog silence with the following pronouncement.

Heather and I are going to see Snoop D O Double G.

Gees up, Hoes down

Friday, October 06, 2006

New post

I have been beset with requests to update.

So here's an update.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Monday

So... three things for you today.

Russel Crowe is persuing a movie about Steve Irwin...

and

This is probably the most hilarious thing I've ever read.

and

Jarrod Dersch and Adrienne are expecting... Congrats!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Data Analyzing Robot Youth Lifeform

Smash TV!

I think I hate all shows that can be shortened or reduced to acronyms. Such as...ANTM, Grey's, etc.
This does not apply to cool shows like TMNT or D.A.R.Y.L.
I'm ambiguous about LOTR.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

lmfao

There he is, the saxophone colossus, playing somewhere in the world, some afternoon or some eight o'clock somewhere, pursuing the combination of emotion, memory, thought, and aesthetic design with a command that allows him to achieve spontaneous grandiloquence.

29

Well I'm hungover, how's about choo?

To everyone who came to celebrate my vingt neuf-th birthday, thanks... it was awesome wasn't it. I haven't had a party like that for quite some time. So far we've had no complaints from neighbors, even the lesbians next door were cool with it. The loby may still reek of herb, but after a brief tidy up (2hrs of cleaning) our place is great, again.

Thanks to Barb and Steve. The most generous of Jews who very thoughtfully gave Heather and I the best blender ever. Best blender ever, Best blender ever.

Thanks for Lego, Star Wars lego in fact. It's so cool to actually get toys as presents. Chocolate, cake and a balloon. YES! Beer and Cards. You're all awesome!

So, now someone else has to through a party. I promise to attend!

Cheers.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

The indian God of Architecture and Engineering?


Is called Vishwakarma.

Go Figure.

Lame post number 2045

Did you know that egress is the opposite of ingress?

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Peace in the East

I think the wars we're fighting were started by dumbshits.
I think that the inevitable revolution of capitalism suggested by Marx is unfolding in the middle east.
I'm not going to explain what I mean, you'll have to look that up... it's first year economic/sociology/history type stuff anyway.

I saw this on Vice and thought it was ironic/cynical/interesting enough for me to post and it made me think.

I have little else to do while Heather's on her staggete.... I wonder what she's doing right now. or now... or right... now.

I hope/expect that she's having fun!

Friday, August 11, 2006

Ffffffriday Muthafuckers!!!!!!

Becks has been dropped.

I never thought I'd call him that... in fact, I never thought I'd miss the guy. In 2002 he was responsible for popularizing the fauxhawk and pioneered white football boots. When I had to go buy a new pair of adidas the only ones I could afford were white. All my mates called them, and then me, fruit boots. Not cool.

Wow.... This is almost like a real post... It's been some time. I can't really do this at work too often.

I'd just like to thank everyone involved with the organization of my Stag party, which is going down tomorrow. I'm afraid... I'm excited... I hope I survive.

Whish me luck!

Friday, August 04, 2006

Ignoramus

This is a funny little article by George Meyer, a writer for the Siiimpsooooons.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

ZZzzz

This post is for Katie... The girl Brian is currently and steadfastly enamoured with.

'The mainstay of Hezbollah's rocket force are small 122mm artillery rockets known by the generic term "Katyusha". The name - which means "little Katy" in Russian - was coined more than 60 years ago by Soviet Red Army troops who fired them at the invading German army.'

This is the kind of stuff I come up with while bored at work.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

This is chilling

America

Friday, July 28, 2006

Word of the day

Rapprochement: The reconcilliation of opposing forces...

I.E. Shia and Sunni muslims joining forces in Lebanon, Syria, and Iran to humiliate the US.

In the words of Phil Collins... There's too many people with too many problems... and nooot enoooough love to go round.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Yikes

The Big Dig

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Interesting facts

Yiiiiippeeeee!

Monday, July 10, 2006

Munday

Take that TBS!!!!

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Heather gets validation...

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Howzat!

A British company is developing computer chips that store music in Women's breast implants. This is a major breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

F'ing rights!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

World cup

Well that didn't work...

That gobbledegook was supposed to be a countdown clock to the start of the world cup... apparently, Blogger doesn't like Java script, and my fortran 70 programming skill set leaves me woefully, WOEFULLY unable to make it work. (Fortran 70, as in 1970, as in this is the language that powered your first desktop calculator.)

Work is going well. I'm busy, as you might have deduced from the lack of posts for the last week or so. I don't like posting from work... and going home to sit at my home comp doesn't appeal. Especially when the weather's so... crap?

It was the longest day of the year yesterday, or today, or whatever... Summer is almost over... if it even started... which means I'm closer to being older every day. That may not make any sense, but it doesn't have to as long as I know what I meant, which I may or may not. You decide.

World cup fever? Hell ya. I took an extra long lunch yesterday to watch Engerland draw with Sweden, Joe Cole's beautiful cracker from 35 yards out put me in a great mood. The last goal from Sweden for the 2 all result might have dampened my fist pumping luncheon ecstacy, but I wasn't surprised... England are still without a victory over Sweden since 22 May 1968. Boo!

Thursday, June 01, 2006

87 day warning

It's finally happened. Heather made a wedding blog.

I can't tell you how often it will be updated, but I can assure you that from time to time there will be discrete packets of comedy and or joy.

http://www.jamesandheatherswedding.blogspot.com/

Kola Bear

A koala is sitting up in a gum tree ... smoking a joint .


when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says, "Hey Koala ! What are you doing?"



The koala says:
"Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a
few joints. After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is
going to get a drink from the river. But the little lizard is so stoned
that he leans too far over and falls into the river.
A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to
the side, then asks the little lizard:
"What's the matter with you?"
The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a
joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the
river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain
forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and
he looks up and says " Hey you!"

So the koala looks down at him and says:


"Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude ... how much water did you drink?!!"

Monday, May 29, 2006

Please Please Please

Please be fit to play.

Wayne Rooney, boy wonder.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Hey, did you know it's playoff time?

I have to admit it. The extended hockey strike and lost season made me loose faith in the game. This could have been because I had been living in Ontario, where you have to stay up till 2 AM to watch the only three Canuck's games CBC shows per year (for some inexplicable reason, we could get sportsnet pacific, but the Canucks games were blacked out), or go to Boston Pizza. It could have been because I was too far away from Rich Adam and his 'big screen, small room' hockey parties. I really don't know, I'm not an analyst.

However...

Watching the Oilers beat San Jose in tripple overtime (that's three AM Eastern time FYI) started to peak my interest.

Just now, Edmonton is kicking the holy shit out of the mighty ducks of Anahiem, and I love it.

I'm BACK BABY!!!!!!!

GOOOOAAAAAAALLLL!!!!!

Friday, May 19, 2006

Working Weekends

Is it true that, no matter what, if you work full time Monday to Friday, the weekdays will always be glorious and the weekends rainsoaked disasters? Is it because people are planning to go camping, sailing, golfing, etc that the sky decides to open? Is it because your girlfriend calls you from the beach on Tuesday at three in the afternoon to tell you that it's sooo hot out. Is it just random happenstance.

Am I out of my mind on this one?

James make sure you bring your pancho Oliver

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Hmmm

Did you know that four feet of half inch brick facade weighs over 200 kN/m? That seems like a lot.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

From the desk of James

Blogging at work is way more exciting than from home. The risks of being caught make every second seem like a mission impossible.

Joliver@stantec.com

Friday, May 05, 2006

I'mmmm Baaaaaaaack

Alright alright alright....

I'm back in Vic, and everyone is smugly asking if it's good to be back, like they OWN this place or are somehow responsible for it's awesomeness. I officially hate it when people who grew up in Winnipeg, or Edmonton, or some other mosquito infested/freeeeezing cold shit hole act like I was retarded to ever leave Victoria. I was born here, you chump, I know what it's like. I no longer take Victoria for granted, however. And yes, Victoria is better than almost everywhere, but that doesn't mean I want to stay here forever, or that I'll never leave again.

I moved into a new place, which was exhausting. Imagine finishing engineering exams, packing all my stuff, cleaning my condo, shipping everything, flying home, and then moving everything out of Heather's place and cleaning. I've been moving and cleaning for a week straight. Sigh.

So I'd hate for you to think that I only use this blog to vent negativity, or that I'm a very very cynical person. I'd hate that. Because I'm not like that at all, right, anyone who knows me knows that I'm actually an optomist, constantly happy, physically effervescent. I'd be the perfect spokesman for Shweppe's schweppervesence. In fact, I'm so excited to be back in civilization, I'm going to go outside in ths sun, walk through the herritage designated garden of my mansion, smell the flowers, and go and watch Heather get her hair did. Word.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Leaving the bay

I'm officially packing up my pc and shipping everything back to Vic. I will therefore be incommunicado for some time, unless I turn into a complete retard and have to go to the public computers at the library and post from there. Not Fing likely!

It's hard to believe that my life, or at least the stuff of my life, fits into nine medium sized boxes.

Oh, and to all you in Vic that knew my parents were coming out to surprise me here, thanks for not blowing it, and at the same time, fuck you guys for not warning me. I could have been at the rippers when they showed. Disaster averted!

See y'all bitches!

Monday, April 24, 2006

Exams Done

I never thought this day would come... Exam season 2006 is over.

In other news, it's snowing and cold. My roommate Derek left yesterday. All my friends and enemies are going their separate ways. The Fellowship has broken. Who knows when next we'll all be able to 'sit on a box' and bitch about school. I'd be sad if I wasn't so happy.

I received a job offer from the company I worked for last summer. I start on May 8th. You can call me James two weeks vacation per year Oliver until 2009. To all the art's students... See what happens when you study a useful and rewarding program... You graduate with a job!

I'm here until the 27th, tying loose ends. Those of us who didn't leave directly from the exam might go for a beer. Until I see you next time. Cheers!

J

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Lazy Sunday

After I finish my degree I'm going to focus on learning how to open my eyes underwater and other important concepts like that.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Sosh Pt 2

Now that my exam is over, I have to admit that I would most likely enjoy my sociology class if it was taught by a sexy smart and enthusiastic professor with cute glasses rather than the hideous wheeze who made me watch Gattaca.

I can't accurately describe her features because I couldn't force myself to actually look at her for any length of time; she is just too terrible to behold. However, I can say that her flesh was the colour of ashtray and her skin is like what you'd expect the saggy labia of those above ground creatures from Fraggle rock would look like.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Sociology

Sociology is a big waste of time.

Every writing class I've taken has told me never use jargon, don't use big words, express yourself efficiently by using the least amount of words possible. Yet sociologists seem to make up words and load them up with meaning all the time. Every new construct seems to be common sense wrapped in a buzzword. There's no original thought, we're just asked to apply some old dipshit's musings about life to some other situation. God help you if you don't agree with your professor's tired worldview. This isn't science, it's an art faculty popularity contest. Ooooh, did you read so and so's book, they were still using a Marxian framework, that was sooo last century. It's not a global village, that was last year, now it's a global mall. What's the difference. The only thing I've learnt from sociology is that we're all fuct, and try, try as we might, we'll never change. Sociologists are always two steps behind technological or sociological change listing the inherent deficiencies. We've defined, categorized, and examined all of the things detrimental to society. But we've been studying long enough to see that while we adjust to make things better, new problems arise somewhere else. Every advancement comes with a cost, and we're helpless to shape the future. It's like standing in the middle of the information super highway watching the big rig of progress speeding inevitably towards us, knowing it's going to hit us, and not being able to get out of the way. When you get smushed you can say, I knew that was coming. I took sociology.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Who ever said you can't be saved by a song?

Whoever said that was stringing you along.

Music review

Sam Roberts.

Short man, big sound.

I, like everyone else, am pretty much sick of Sam's last album cause it played constantly on the radio, muchmusic, my minidisc player etc. I saw him live at UVic and it was truly one of the best shows ever... Yes, even better than Coldplay. Ha. I met him after the show and he is, or was, truly personable and approachable and seemed genuinely interested in talking to me, although that could have been the 60 of Jack he'd been drinking on stage.

I'm sure you've all seen the marketing for his new album, Chemical City. I was of course skeptical, cause I'm a cynic, that he could reproduce the goods on his sophomore album. But I'm listening to it now, and I like it.

He shouts out Thunder Bay, so, he can't do wrong in my books. So get off your squidge and go buy his album cause you probably still don't have bitlord, and if he comes to your town, get tickets.

Mr Roberts, I'm ready for my endorsement cheque. Make it payable to CASH!

Sunday, April 16, 2006



Would you kill Hitler?

You never get any fun, out of things you’ve never done.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

The real question.

Why did the Lord give us agility, if not to avoid responsibility?

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

I'm feeling irascible, so here's a rant.

This goes to show that, again, most people are stupid. Paying more by volume than gasoline for what is most likely tap water anyway is just retarded.

http://www.cbc.ca/story/science/national/2006/04/03/bottled-water-20060403.html

The idea that people drink common bottled water to appear sophisticated is so ridiculous it proves how utterly moronic and unindividual they really are. Anyone who knows anything about culture and snobbery understands that you have to spend ten bucks on San Pellegrino, or the like, to achieve any kind of exclusivity.

If you must be trendy, go get yourself a Nalgene bottle and fill it from the tap. Everyone with any sense will surely see you as not just savy to the truth, but also environmentally aware.

Tap water... It's what you paid for.

PS When bought by the case, S. Pellegrino is roughly a buck and a half per 750mL and is owned by Nestle foods... go figure.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Dubya D

Some people say Thunder Bay is behind the times. Maybe it's because here, the mullet is au courant. Maybe it's the classic rock. Maybe it's because everyone here is... Thunderstruck.



Check out this specimen I found in one of the labs in the basement of the school where all the bleeding edge research is done. I can't tell if it's so far behind it's actually ahead?

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

St Patrick's Day, when all the world's Irish, or drunk... Same difference.This is my Degree Project. She looks pretty nice, eh? We all thought so.

Monday, March 20, 2006

American Lit

"Vengeance on a dumb brute!" cried Starbuck, "that simply smote thee from blindest instinct! Madness! To be enraged with a dumb thing, Captain Ahab, seems blasphemous." . . . "Talk not to me of blasphemy, man; I'd strike the sun if it insulted me. For could the sun do that, then I could do the other."

Spring

The first day of spring... Yes... Finally.

To those who may not be aware, the Vernal Equinox marks the day of the year when the sun rises directly in the East, every place on earth experiences twelve hours of daylight, and the sun sets due West. Days will continue to grow longer in the Northern Hemisphere until the Summer Solstice, June 21.

While those on the upside of the Earth celebrate today as a kind of rebirth, those poor, poor people in the Southern Hemisphere can only look forward to winter; today is their Autumnal Equinox. Vicky. Every day will get shorter and shorter until it's winter.

In Thunder Bay, Spring is the time when snow banks melt revealing brown grass/mud and dead crows that have been buried since November. Spring smells like shit here. Someone from Victoria please send me a nice big picture of Fairfield road with all the cherry blossoms in full go. You'd be doing me a solid.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

MMMMMmmmmm Pie

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

OBEY

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

HGBD

So it's Heather's birthday; the second one I've missed whilst in Thunder Bay. I know she'll have lot's of fun, her friends will do everything to make sure of that. She claims that this will be a dinner and movie affair, finishing early because everyone has to work and she doesn't want this one to get out of hand.

Many Happy Returns!

I hope this one's more of a birthday than a barfday!

TEQUILA!

Monday, March 13, 2006

Self help

If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

The ring!

Today I attend the ritual of the calling of an engineer. This is where I recieve my iron ring. This ancient and noble rite has been a Canadian tradition from time immemorial, 1922. The formal ceremony, very secret, was created by Rudyard Kipling of Jungle Book and 'White man's burden' fame. Following the virgin sacrifice and typical engineer's weiner roast, we get a ring to remind us of the solemn intent and responsibility of the Engineerd. It's a secret ceremony, so don't even ask me about it. I'm going now, to get pissed at Jeff n Carly's breakfast soirree. Cheers

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Locals

I invite comments.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

V

This morning I had a wonderful dream. By holding my arms out stiff and pushing down hard, I found I could suspend myself a few feet above ground. I flapped harder, and soon I was soaring effortlessly over the trees and telephone poles! I could fly! I folded my arms back and zoomed low over the neighborhood. Everyone was amazed, and they ran along under me as I shot by. Then I rocketed up so fast that my eyes watered from the wind. I laughed and laughed, making huge loops in the sky! ...That's when Mom woke me up and said I was going to miss the bus if I didn't get my bottom out of bed; 20 minutes later, here I am, standing in the cold rain, waiting to go to school, and I just remembered I forgot my lunch. Tuesdays don't start much worse than this.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

IV

I think life should be more like tv. I think all of life's problems ought to be solved in 30 minutes with simple homilies, don't you? I think weight and oral hygiene ought to be our biggest concerns. I think we should all have powerful, high-paying jobs, and everyone should drive fancy sports cars. All our desires should be instantly gratified. Women should always wear tight clothing, and men should carry powerful handguns. Life overall should be more glamorous, thrill-packed, and filled with applause, don't you think? Then again, if real life was like that, what would we watch on television?

Monday, March 06, 2006

Deep thoughts III

Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere. Al Einstein

Lou Reed:

I was sleeping, gently napping, when I heard the phone
Who is on the other end talking, am I even home
Did you see what she did to him, did you hear what they said
Just a new york conversation, rattling in my head
Oh, my, and what shall we wear
Oh, my, and who really cares
Just a new york conversation, gossip all of the time
Did you hear who did what to whom, happens all the time
Who has touched and who has dabbled here in the city of shows
Openings, closings, bad repartee, everybody knows
Oh, how sad, why do we care
Oh, I’m glad to hear from you all
I am calling, yes I’m calling just to speak to you
For I know this night will kill me, if I can’t be with you
If I can’t be with you

New York telephone converstaion.... DOWNLOAD IT

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Deep thought II

Why is there a magazine called popular science? There's no such thing!!! Am I right?

Deep Thoughts

Holding a grudge is like letting someone live rent free in your head

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Stolen from Vice


Why is this industrial cleaning sponge called German War Cube? Are they trying to absolve themselves from blame and call WWII Germany’s war? OK, then why is it a powerful white square guy? Oh yeah, I remember now. Everyone in Asia is nuts.

Vice magazine isn't funny anymore. If you're just hearing about it now, you're about 8 years late. However, if perchance, you're into procrastination as much as I am, and are bored of pinkisthenewblog and celebrity gossip, give viceland.com a try. Usually, the 'do's and don'ts' are the best thing ever, but as of late, they've been pretty lame.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

There's hope for us all yet!

This is perhaps the most disturbing thing ever. He's so young... what a waste... oh the humanity. Translation: The winner of the prestigious prize: They are ruined for life!

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Music

Arctic Monkeys are good. Go buy 'Whatever people say I am, that's what I'm not.' Yes, buy it. don't download the singles. Get the whole thing; be the first on your block.

I sense hesitation. Why? Have I ever been wrong? Would I lie to YOU?

Not likely.

Since I'm in the advocating mood, download Bitlord. You'll thank me later.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

BMD


This post is for Brian, who I've known for most of the late nineties and early... zeros?

I can pretty much guarantee that this will appeal to his strange and highly analytical mind.

I bring you www.barmitzvahdisco.com/story.php

Special thanks to K. Wormlinger for bringing this to my attention.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

A quickun

A salesman going door to door rang the bell at a home, and the door was opened by a nine-year-old boy puffing on a long cuban cigar.
Hiding his amazement, the salesman asked the young man,
"Is your mother home?"
The boy took the cigar out of his mouth, flicked ashes on the carpet, and asked,
"What the fuck do you think?"

Monday, February 20, 2006

Blackdog Pt 6: Ba ha mas!

Fuck yeah... I'm going to the Bahamas, the Bahamas, the Bahamas, Grand Bahamas!
Fuck yeah, I'm in the Bahamas, the Bahamas... ok. enough. In this pic, I'm actually too drunk and sun woozy to raise my fist in a triumphant hells yeah. The grin is much more Island style anyways. Hey REYNARD, get me another whiskey!That's a nice beach. I'm not going to lie... It's a little nicer than Gonzo, but the people are WAY fatter. Hey REYNARD, More CONCH Fritters! Cliched I admit, but it felt right... And I think I'm the only one in Thunder bay with Flip tan!
This says Bahama. 's' sold separately Beside some long tailed birds I'd never seen before, and the cracked out seagulls (distinguished by red rimmed bloodshot eyes and call of crack, craaack), this is the only wildlife I saw on the resort. It's a ringtail.

There were a bunch of fish carcass in the harbour, it didn't smell as bad as you'd think.


Heath and I going to the big awards bash. Heather won a medal/coin.
It's gold alright. Pure Gold. If you a pimp dust your shoulders off. If you're James and it's chilly out, give Heath your jacket.Disposing of the evidence.And smoking the good stuff!One of the infinity pools. All the engineers out there will wonder why there's more infinity on one end than the other. I blame the Hurricane and storm surge.The Sun in our eyes. Oh how I miss it. And this picture makes me think I have a future in advertising... Ah that cool fresh taste of the beach in every can. Made from the finest recycled poolwater. Kalik: the beer of the Bahamas.

The Backlog Pt5

After Heather left, it was pretty much business as usual on this end. It got warm, and then cold. Nothing much changes but the weather right? This pic, for all of my Victoria friends, is a street at night. Note the snow and ice.
We play hockey. Out doors. It's awesome because it doesn't smell like Oak Bay Rec and the changerooms don't have those lingering old men that prey on the weak. There's shwacks of rinks here and there's always a game on. When I come back, I'm going to kick all your asses. Game on! Derek looks pretty happy in his explorer. He should be after lending it to someone who crashed it. Anyways, we tried not to let it ruin the night...
Which was meeting Mr. Lahey and Randy, that cheeseburger eating mother fucker.
And eventually, time moved on until finally, one Saturday, Derek drove me to the airport. For I was escaping the bay for a week in the Bahamas. Fuckin eh!

Backlog Pt4: A stranger in town.

Heather came to visit. Lo the prophecy had come to pass. I didn't actually believe that She'd ever come out. Maybe it was the inviting picture of ThBy I'd been painting since the first day I got here. Maybe it was the Arctic weather. Heather despises temperatures below 25 degrees. Anyhow... Here she was... And this was the first sight of my Condo, her home for the next week. Yes, that is my bike outside. I gots to get about somehow. I don't walk!
I'm not sure why we're smiling so hard in this one... Was it because H avoided the Polar bears on the walk to the Outpost, or was it because I successfully managed to get illicit Strongbow into that tankard. Oh, that might explain the grins... We're just about rubbered.

Heather is so proud of herself out in the snow! She was really lucky that she came when she did. Thunder Bay only looks nice when buried under three feet of snow...Now we all know why she's excited in this one... She found the only Starbucks! This was the last day she was here, and I was driving her to the aerodrome. It was starting to get really cold. She didn't complain at all, probably because she knew she only had forty five minutes left to go. So Heather left. And in her place we got a fucking cold Arctic wind that nearly blew my window in. You can see the spindrift. A nice sunset, but only when viewed from indoors.

Backlog Pt3

Early early one fine morning, Melissa, Vicky, I, and two schnaussers drove to Mt. Washington. The mountain was on the eve of shattering it's daily snowfall record. We knew it was dumping snow and I hadn't been riding in over two years. In fact the last time I came down Mt Washington it was on the back of a ski patrol sled. Looking back that seems like a very long time ago. We were pretty excited!Did I mention, that it was very early! That's why we only see half of VT's face. It's not that it isn't a nice face Vic, we all like it very much.As it turns out, Melissa and Vicky are not what you'd call early risers. I think we made it past Nanaimo before I was asked to drive. They slept. They slept the whole way. Vicky was entirely under that blanket in the front seat. I decided to put my helmet on when the roads got icy. I'm smiling cause there's already so much snow!! Too much snow maybe... The conditions weren't the best. As in, it was so cloudy and windy you couldn't tell if you were moving at all. But it was still the best to get out and ride untracked powder and through trees. Please take special note of the evidence of a very very well placed snowball on Meliss' helmet, courtesy of me. Oh yeah... how much you wanna bet I can throw a snowball over 'dem Mountins!?! TROGDOOOR!!

Backlog Pt2

Nothing like Christmas at home... I guess... I've never spent a Christmas away from family. I don't imagine it would be that great. Good food, friends, drinks, and properly symmetrical Christmas tree are the basic requirements. Oh, and too many people for Christmas dinner.

New Years was a blast! I know Heather has already covered this party in some detail, but it would be a shame not to post these pictures... for posterity.


You know how some parties... most parties... gravitate toward the kitchen, well this was not the case for Laila and Dallas'. This was one of the few parties that revolved around the bathroom... I can't remember why that was exactly. Was it the porno shower/bath? The nice lighting. It certainly wasn't coke, if that's what you were thinking. Everyone was doing that in the Elsdon's VW Van. It wasn't that the food was bad either (cause it was fantastic!!), I don't think anyone actually had a chance to use the head as it was intended all night.


We were affectionately invited to spend the night and a room was laid down for us. We slept well, but thought it would be wise to make a quiet exit early the next afternoon, before anyone might suggest we clean up. This is us leaving the scene. If we stuck around, we might have shared in the spoils... a perfectly uncracked twixer of Bombay Saffire. We did come back to have mimossas and breakfast. Once again... Thanks for a great time, it was great to see everyone in the same place again!

Nothing Clears my head like a walk in a storm by the Ocean... Yes... the Pacific Ocean... Not Lake Superior... The Ocean!!! So this is what I did on the Sunday that started ought six!